Before I start, I suppose the best course of action would be to discuss what a creepypasta is, at least for those who don't know (my mom is probably going to look at this once. Only once.). The most basic definition of a creepypasta is an urban legend told on the internet. Really, when you boil it down, that's all that it is. Let's look at the definition of an urban legend, according to Merriam Webster:
'an often lurid story or anecdote that is based on hearsay and widely circulated as true.
Gee, thanks Merriam Webster, that really proved my point. Well, let's break it down, the right way. Simply put, a creepypasta is a story told on the internet that is designed to shock, disturb, and soil the pants of the reader. Most, if not all creepypastas come from the /x/ board of 4-chan. They're usually (usually) short, and have twist endings designed to leave a lasting impact (for better or worse) on the reader. As for the name (as it is very...what's the word...retarded), it is actually a derivative of another internet word, copypasta, which in of itself is a bastardization of two words, copy and paste. This is called that because that's how these stories get around. Some loon writes it, posts it, and some other loon copies and pastes it somewhere else. That's how these stories get around. Of course, 95% of you already know this, so I suppose I should get on with it.
Now, since Merriam Webster was VERY unhelpful in proving my point, I guess I will have to sully my hands in description. Creepypasta and urban legends are similar in the fact that they both take place in the real world ( sort of). I mean, it's recognizable as the real world, and the people are recognizable. That's what makes them scary and endearing. On top of that, both creepypasta and urban legends are told by word of mouth. Well, in the internet's case, it's copy and pasted. So it goes from person to person, maybe changing here and there, until it becomes ingrained into your subconscious brain. Now, no one can walk ten feet into the internet without seeing someone referencing Slenderman or something like that. Thus, there's the connection.
Alright, time to talk about creepypasta themselves. From my experience in reading creepypasta, I have found that every creepypasta pretty much shares the same structure. No matter how long, or how frightening they are, every pasta has very similar structures. Some may deviate from this path, but they all have at least one or two of these structural points.
1) "A MAN WAS WALKING DOWN A ROAD": Otherwise known as "The Sense of Normalcy." As I mentioned before, creepypasta has a sound structure in reality. Otherwise, it's not a creepypasta. It's either a man walking down a road, cause his car broke down, or someone going caving with his friend, the pasta has to start out in a location that we all recognize.
2) "This is when things began to seem off.": AKA, "Things Begin To Stir". This is the point where something begins to feel wrong. The sense of normalcy is slowly being corroded at the edges. In a proper pasta, nothing actually scary has happened yet, but the feeling that something is going to happen, has gotten up from its chair in the back of the room, and has started to walk towards the front. It can be anything from a misplaced doll, a door that you swore that you shut, or perhaps a feeling that something isn't right.
3) "He woke up screaming.": Or what I like to call, "The Horror Begins". This is where the lines that separates the normal and the abnormal snaps in two. All of those dark things flood in, and sucker punch you, leaving you to question what the hell just hit you. In other words, this is where the story starts to get scary, but it hasn't shown its full hand...yet. Perhaps someone has died, or there was a dark shadow lurking outside your window.
4) "i don't think that was a dream.": "The Horror Escalates." Now the horror has revealed itself. You can now make out the lines in the sand, and where things have aligned. However, despite knowing what the horror looks like, you don't know what its intentions are, and what it's going to do next. Maybe you've seen the monster. Perhaps there's claw marks on the walls. Whatever it is, the ride has yet to finish, so don't jump off yet.
5) "Cleverbot: 'Cables and cords.'": The penultimate part, or as I like to call, "The Horror Climaxes". This is where the horror can not progress any further. It has spent all of its cards, but one (we'll get to that in a sec). This is where the the main character can't take it anymore, he/she must act. Whether it's eat, or be eaten, the character must decide. Well, this part can take on more forms than that, but that's just an example.
6) "THEN WHO WAS PHONE?": "The Twist." Most, if not all creepypasta have a twist ending, that makes you question what you just read. The best twist endings are the ones that you don't get right away, leaving you wondering what the hell just happened. Then it dawns on you, and it is in that moment, that you realize that you will not be getting any sleep that night. If the twist can make you re-read the whole story again, then you know it has done a good job.
And that's where babies come from. Now that you know how creepypastas are structured, now I can go over some of the different types of pasta. Bet you never thought that some stupid stories from the internet went into so many different categories, did you?
1) Deal with the Devil: These stories are not really stories, but instructions. These tell you how to gain power unheard of to humans, insight that no one else has, or hell, it could just give you D.B. Cooper's whereabouts. However, these instructions MUST be followed exactly, or else you are going to be dragged straight to hell. Or something similar. An example of which: The Holders Series.
2) Pokemon: You laugh, but these things are everywhere. It is probably one of, if not THE most prevalent type of creepypasta out there. Mostly it has something to do with someone's Pokemon game gone wrong, either killing the player, or mentally scarring them for life. I guess it's the thought of something so innocent being so dark. Then again, the actual Pokemon games have some pretty dark stuff already Examples include: Pokemon Creepy Black, Lost Silver, Lavender Town Suicides, etc.
3) Lost Episodes: Basically some kid's show, or something along those lines, having some satanic stuff in an episode, causing the show in question to cover it up. Either the story is told from the viewpoint of some intern who was working on the show at the time, or some obsessive fan seeking the episode out. Usually it involves dead children. In some way or another. Examples include: Squidward's Suicide, Dead Bart, Cry Baby Lane, Candle Cove, etc.
4) Video Games: Since videogames play a big part in internet culture, it should come as no surprise that many creepypasta involve video games gone bad. This goes in the same vein as the Pokemon one. Usually some kid's game like Mario, or Zelda goes bad, and then it scars the player for life. Or in some cases, haunts them. Examples include: BEN: Haunted Majora's Mask, Polybius, Tails Doll, etc.
5) Monsters: Sometimes pastas don't involve anything related to popular culture. Sometimes, people just make up monsters. And, quite frankly, most of these monsters become poster children for creepypastas in general, and get the most coverage. Examples include: Slenderman Mythos, Jeff the Killer, the Rake, etc.
6) People: Sometimes, people are strange. These usually involve the mentally unstable. There is (usually) nothing paranormal involved in these stories. Examples include: Dating Game, etc.
7) Places: Warning, here there be tygers. If you see a no trespassing sign, just keep driving. This can also include websites. Examples include: Ted the Caver, Normal Porn for Normal People, White with Red, etc.
8) Undefined: Some pastas just defy being categorized. So, we throw them into this category of non categorization. Example: SCP Foundation.
Now, how do I factor into all of this? Well, I'm going to review creepypasta. When you've finished laughing, allow me to break down how I'm going to do this. I'm going to review each pasta based on how realistic it seems, how well written it is, how engaging the characters are, how scary it is (to me), and how good the twist ending is (if any. If the pasta fulfills one of the requirements with flying colors, it gets a point. Now some elements of the pasta, may outshine others, and therefor, I would have to award some extra points. As you can tell, this is a very lax method of critique, as it should be. Now, here's the rating system.
0/5: Where's the Pasta I Ordered?; Just...no...
1/5: Raw Pasta; Bad. Not scary. All around boring.
2/5: Undercooked Pasta; Below average. some effort involved.
3/5: Cooked Pasta; Not too bad, but not fantastic, needs work.
4/5: Delicious Pasta; Pretty damn good. Covered in spicy sauce, and it makes you want to have it again right after you eat it.
5/5: Chef Boyardee's Greatest Hits; SHIELD YOUR UNWORTHY EYES, YOU FOOLS!
Well that's that. I hope you and I have a great time reviewing the wild, magical world of creepypasta. The name's Connor, and I have a feeling we'll being seeing each other real soon.
Coming up next...The scariest phone call you will ever have.
